Feeling down about leaving university but not sure why? This feeling is more common than you think, explains Amy Swales.
After three or four years of hard work, a decent amount of hard play and generally making a few good friends to boot, you could almost be forgiven for forgetting what it was all for. The end of your university career looms large and your finals, dissertation and coursework deadlines all come together to remind you what you’ve paid thousands for.
The cap and gowns are waiting, the shots are lined up and the party poppers are ready to go, so why can celebration actually feel like the last thing you want to do?
Don’t be surprised if you don’t feel like partying come the end of term, says Mark Phippen, Head of Counselling at Cambridge University, as it’s something his team are seeing often from both final year students and recent graduates: “It’s certainly an issue we’re familiar with… you focus so much on the final exams that you walk out of the last one surprised that life still exists.”
Not only are you having to face up to the reality of finding out what comes next, you are also closing the door on a life you’ve built up over a few years, and it can be a real shock to the system.
“You form good and close friendships at university,” says Mark, “and people go in all directions. You fully intend to stay in touch, but it doesn’t always happen because you have to start making the effort. You don’t just bump into people at lectures or in the halls anymore.
“And this is a generalisation, but for first years, ‘home’ is the parents, in your second year ‘home’ is rather more vague, and in the final year you tend to place it with your friends at university.”
So for those who move back home, the change can feel remarkable. “The parental home doesn’t quite feel like going home, but almost a step backwards. Especially if the family have moved on or downsized, and where the home physically is has changed. It isn’t going back to the same place at all.”
It’s this seeming lack of connection which leads to feeling adrift, and many people see doing a further qualification as a way to hang on to that familiarity. Everyone knows that one guy who is on his third degree, but it starts to feel like a great idea when faced with making decisions about your future.
“It is an option,” Mark says, “It’s not why everybody does it, but some graduates might think ‘Well, I don’t know what else to do, so why not stay here?’ It’s not necessarily a bad thing but I do think it’s a motivation for some.” The other conclusion is, of course, work. Yes, it’s pretty obvious, but while you’re so busy working out what you want to do, you can forget that you might not walk into the job you finally choose - if you even settle on anything in the first place - so odds are you’ll finish university and work somewhere that doesn’t require or use your skills, leaving you feeling less than satisfied.Just to compound it, you’ll doubtless have a mate who stayed on to study, or who went travelling, all free and easy. Bitter and resentful, moi?
It is going to grate when you can’t go out on a weeknight, or when they don’t appreciate your work commitments - especially when those commitments are working somewhere you don’t even want to be - but try not to get down about it.
No-one turns into a 9 to 5 jobsworth overnight, it’s about making your experiences count: how will it look on your CV if you got sacked from the chippy, or did nothing until you’d worked out your direction? Your priorities are going to change, and it’s not all bad. Balance the pros and cons, and in the long run, you know you’re getting somewhere. “The strengths you’ve built up just doing your degree are also the strengths you’ll need in what comes next - getting a job in the real world,” advises Mark. “Reminding yourself of your strengths and what you have achieved challenges the negative thinking and doesn’t let it get out of control.”
You will sort it out at some point, and it will take longer for some than others, but have faith: you’ve come this far. And you are not alone.
Your priorities are going to change, and it’s not all bad.
Mark’s advice
• Don’t be surprised if it all feels like a bit of an anti-climax – it’s a completely normal and common reaction
• Universities are used to the issue – find out what’s available. Many universities run groups like the one from Cambridge that are especially for leavers
• If it starts to feel overwhelming and you’re feeling panicky, go along to the university counsellor. http://www.student.counselling.co.uk/ has a list of student counselling services – don’t worry, they’ve seen it all before
• Try talking to the people around you, and you’ll be surprised how many of your friends feel the same way – most of you are in the same position
• Finally, remind yourself that you have survived the difficult process of getting a degree. You worked hard, so don’t forget what a huge accomplishment it is
Testimonies
Sara, 25, graduated from Edinburgh University
‘After 4 years of abusing my liver, I actually felt relieved to leave uni and embark on a worthwhile and fulfilling career. Or so I thought. Unfortunately the reality was a lot more difficult than I'd anticipated.
‘As with so many professions, getting a foot on the ladder of my chosen career proved to be near impossible. I had the luxury of knowing what I wanted to do, but I spent months completing lengthy application forms, posting them off in pristine hard envelopes and hearing absolutely nothing in return.
‘It was totally demoralising, but worse than that, I was forced to watch endless episodes of Frasier, Will and Grace and other such crap to fill up my long, unemployed days. I may have now seen every episode of ‘Friends’ at least ten times, but the persistence paid off.
‘Being unemployed is certainly not easy on your self-worth, but keep on however long it takes. Don’t give up.’
Lisa, 23, graduated from Bangor University
‘After finishing university I stayed in the city, but moved out of the student house and in with my boyfriend. Things were really hard for a while money wise. There was no student loan, no concessions on council tax and I couldn't find a decent job anywhere. I resorted to 6am starts cleaning at the uni I was about to graduate from!
‘After that I got a job in a clothes shop over the Christmas period, but it was awful because no one seemed to care about my degree. I wasn’t motivated to care about it much myself! It felt pointless, and the feeling of no direction and money worries was a constant stress.
‘I've finally found an okay job, but have gone back to uni to do an MA part-time, I guess to some extent I’m prolonging the student experience.
‘It wasn't until a couple of months ago when I had a chat with some friends in the pub that we realised we had all been feeling the same. We hadn't really spoken to each other about it because we all thought it was just us being weird!
‘It is definitely something people should be prepared for - I might have been more inclined to try and make some definite career plans instead of just expecting to drift into that £20k job we were all promised when we originally signed up!’
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